Friday, March 4, 2011

Yep, You Guessed It ... Still More on the Lilith Ritual at Pantheacon 2011

What started as a simple misunderstanding and miscommunication turned into an online war with charges and countercharges flying in every direction.  Hurtful words were exchanged and ugly prejudices displayed on both sides.  Yet amidst all the hostility there was also a great deal of honest and frank dialogue on issues which have long been ignored.  When the Mother of Abortions comes out of her shadowy wasteland you can hardly expect her to arrive quietly:  neither can you be surprised to find she brings turmoil with her wisdom.

CAYA Coven has issued a statement concerning this ritual and its aftermath. Some have complained that they should have made a public statement sooner.  Others have complained because they did not come out loudly and clearly in favor of their side on this debate. This suggests they have given the issue due thought and that they are trying to find a solution which is responsive and sensitive to the needs of all concerned.

A couple of people have called me on an analogy I made in one of my first comments on the topic, wherein I suggested holding a ritual which would only be open to people of "Northern European" descent.  That was sloppy writing on my part. I don't want to turn the Civil Rights movement into a convenient metaphor for my cause.  Neither do I wish to draw a moral equation between those seeking "womyn born womyn" space and Nazis or racial separatists.  (And for the love of all that is sacred, there is nothing and nobody in Northern Tradition shamanism advocating racism!)  For my poor choice of words and my own unrecognized privilege, I apologize: I will try to be more careful in the future.

For the record, I support the right to free association and recognize the value of restricted space. There are times when you don't want to educate your well-intentioned allies. You want to air your laundry in private, among others who share your experience.  Like our earliest dinosaur-dodging ancestors we are pack primates: we seek safety, healing and power amongst our own.

But what happens when there is a dispute regarding who may or may not be included? There has been longstanding tensions between transgendered women and some Dianics and second wave feminists.  When this tension flares up at a public convention the organizers gets placed in an uncomfortable position as referees. This gets especially painful when one considers just how quickly this question can explode in everyone's face.  And if you think the current brouhaha was bad, imagine a lawsuit claiming discrimination based on gender identity: that could quickly become much uglier and far, far more costly for all concerned.

For now perhaps the best solution is to keep exclusive events and workshops within private space, and to avoid putting them on public calendars or otherwise giving them anything which could be interpreted as an organizational imprimatur.  This gives groups much greater latitude to pick and choose attendees and members. It also frees the organizers from becoming embroiled in controversies and from even the appearance of tolerating or encouraging prohibited discrimination.

I recognize the rights of Dianics and other cis-women to exclude transwomen from their mysteries.  I would also invite them to consider what they gain from that exclusion - and what they lose.   The policies favoring "women born women" are seen as wrongheaded and hateful by a growing number of women.  Perhaps they might do well to listen to what their critics are saying with open ears and open hearts.  Those who are shrieking the loudest scream in pain: those who speak softly but firmly have much wisdom they might offer you.  Those who disagree with you might return the favor, consider your objections, and meet you in a spirit of respectful disagreement rather than open warfare.

To my transgendered sisters: I understand your outrage at being shut out, and your pain at the hateful behavior shown by some who should have known better. I do not ask you to forgive and forget nor do I ask you to be calm. Your anger is a precious thing that can keep you alive long after hope has faded.  But because it is precious you should save it for appropriate targets.  We can make Lisa Vogel, Z Budapest and their ilk our enemies - or we can treat them like the anachronisms they are, praising them for their past and pitying them for their success in creating a world where their revolutionary ideology grows increasingly irrelevant.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dot on the money.

Anonymous said...

First, let me take a moment to say that I love your books. I'm not
trying to butter you up here- but since this is the first time I'm
talking with you, I wanted to tell you that. Thank you for your work.
They are some of the best sellers in my store- largely because we all
recommend them so highly.

Second, thank you for what I perceive to be a step toward
de-escalation in this post. I really appreciate that you appear
committed to a long-term solution, and understand how delicate this is
for all. We all have the right to expect reasonable, ongoing dialogue
and cautious, respectful steps toward understanding on this issue. We
cannot in good faith expect or require overnight waves of massive
personal and philosophical change among thousands of people on demand. We're all smart enough to know that personal evolution just doesn't work like that.

Third, I just wanted to address this:
"CAYA Coven has issued a statement concerning this ritual and its
aftermath. Some have complained that they should have made a public
statement sooner. Others have complained because they did not come
out loudly and clearly in favor of their side on this debate. This
suggests they have given the issue due thought and that they are
trying to find a solution which is responsive and sensitive to the
needs of all concerned."

Thank you for allowing me the space to say: do you know how difficult
it is to get 30 eclectic pagans from different Trads and stances to
come to consensus on anything? I hope you hear the smile as I type
that. We began working on our statement right away, but since we ALL
get a say on these kinds of important issues in CAYA, it took time to
really hash it out so that it could be as effectively representative
as possible. We are seriously committed to mindfulness and
deliberation. This issue has been
going on for years. It will likely take years to sort it all out, but
that doesn't mean progress must wait- it just needs to move at a
sustainable pace. Despite how urgent our emotions may feel, unless we
proceed thoughtfully and deliberately, far more hurt and misunderstanding will ensue than has
already occured, which serves no one.

If you would like to speak personally with me or anyone from our
Council to share your thoughts, input, suggestions, or feelings,
please do let us know. We would happily entertain them and hold them
in regard.

In love and trust,
Rabbit

Witch Mom said...

Kenaz,

I was with you until this statement: "I recognize the rights of Dianics and other cis-women to exclude transwomen from their mysteries."

I do not believe that the rights of one trumps the rights of another. Trans women are women- and no one else gets to decide what their identity is for them.

Women's mysteries are so much more than menstrual, anyway. And many many women do not bleed, not just trans women. It makes no sense that exceptions are made for all women in this regard EXCEPT trans ones.

Kenaz Filan said...

@Vienne: Thanks for the kind words.

@Rabbit: You have my sympathies. While I am sure this has been a growing and learning experience for all concerned, I'm sure it has not been a pleasant one.

@WitchMom: The Westboro Baptist Church has the right to picket military funerals. That doesn't mean that doing so is a good idea or that the Supreme Court decision made their behavior in any way moral, ethical or advisable. Everyone has certain rights (including the right to free association and private property), not just the people we agree with.

That being said, I hope that the groups which exclude transpeople think long and hard about why they are doing so. And while I accept the rights of Mother Three Moons Womyn-Born-Womyn Goddess Coven to turn away transfolk, I also acknowledge the rights of transfolk to protest their exclusion by peaceful means.

I am hoping that the speakers at Z Budapest's Goddess Spirituality Conference 2011 take her hateful words in consideration and consider whether they wish to support a person who feels this way about their transgendered sisters. I would support the rights of any trans organization to make her hateful statements public in any venue, and to encourage attendees and presenters to stand up against her views.

At the end of the day Budapest has the right to open her conference as she sees fit and to express her beliefs in whatever venue she would like. And those who disagree with her have the right to make their feelings known by any number of peaceful means. Budapest's right to free speech does not equal a right to my money, nor does it trump my right to call for a boycott of organizations and people who actively or tacitly support her bigotry. As I said in another venue, nowhere in the Bill of Rights does one find the right to a cheering section.

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