Sunday, January 17, 2010

He's Mr. Lord of Misrule...

While I've become semi-famous for my work with Vodou, I also work with other spirits. A few years back I attempted to contact Freyja through a guided visualization, and discovered that I had already been claimed by another figure from the Norse pantheon... Loki.

Dealing with Loki is rather like sharing your living quarters with a foul-mouthed child prodigy with a bad case of ADHD.  You develop an instinctive terror of the words "I'm bored." You get to watch The Dark Knight over and over while Loki waves his "Joker" pennant and shouts advice at the screen. And just when you're ready to strangle him he does something that is utterly charming and thereby turns away your wrath.  (I can see why he got away with so much for so long...)

Loki's learning and erudition is phenomenal: he's got the proverbial silver tongue, and uses it regularly to explain why his latest scheme is an excellent idea. He also has friends throughout the Nine Worlds and many others that the Germanic shamans never got around to mapping.  Bearing his mark - I have his runes branded on my left breast - can get you in many places when voyaging. It can also get you kicked out of many places, but that's another story altogether. 

Since many of my other spirits have statues, Loki insisted that I get him one as well. This is the statue he chose.  He now wants two smaller versions, so they can accompany him when he sings the "He's Mister Heat Miser..." song.  He's also provided me a way of calling on him. It is an extended version of "The Aristocrats" which begins "Gerald Gardner walks into a talent agent's office" and goes straight downhill from there.  Let's just say that before it's done Silver Ravenwolf's Underworld Passage gets explored and R.J. Stewart shows us all what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt...

His relationship with the other spirits in the house can be... tempestuous.  Loki is the classic example of the "smart-assed masochist."  You might think that nobody would crazy enough to get on Danto's nerves when she's in a bad mood... but then, you'd probably think that nobody would be crazy enough to try shaving Sif's head.  He generally stays on our Ghedes' good sides by providing entertainment in the form of booze, dirty jokes and regular trips to the best whorehouse in the Nine Worlds.  (He once said of Harvey, "Watching his hairy ass pumping up and down was like watching a wolverine worrying an elk carcass." I'm not sure I needed that mental image and I'm pretty sure you didn't either).

And while I have your attention,  Loki would also like to voice his complaints about his portrayal in Marvel Comics. He doesn't have a problem with being called a supervillain, but he objects to wearing a silly hat. He also wants to know when Thor started using three-syllable words, but I'm not sure I want to go there.